LJIDW-LPF Week 3 Tiebreaker -- Open Topic

[daisysparrow]

Dear Baby

Where are you?

I miss you already. I wish you were here.

I wish you were here in my arms -- or even in my belly -- wriggling and giggling and making yourself known.

I can see you. I think. I can sort of picture your face.

But you're so very far away.

Dear Baby, where are you?

More to the point, where's your Daddy?

 

Not even on the horizon, and that's the point. If I could see him, maybe you'd be here by next summer. The Christmas after that. Or the next Olympic games.

You'd be here in time to play with your cousins whilst they're still young. Soon they'll be old enough to babysit you. Five or six years, and the oldest could plausibly be mistaken for your parent.

 

And I don't know if I have five or six years. I'm already in my mid-thirties. Only entitled to IVF for about a year and three quarters, and as I said, that depends on your having a Daddy too.

And not all women have a baby. I do know that. But some of the others have a purpose. Surgeons, writers, missionaries, business owners, lawyers. Volunteers, political activists, carers. For some, motherhood is incidental to why they're here -- or at least, it seems that way.

I envy them. Because I'm not like that. I don't know where I'm heading, if not to you. I can't see why any of it even matters.

Not that I want to put all of my issues on to you. They're not yours to carry, Baby.

But I want to see you. I want you to be here.

I miss you already.

 

Love, Mama (maybe)

 

PS. If you see him, please say hello to Daddy for me, and send him my way soon :-) Love you xx

Comments

[tatdatcm]

I really related to this. I wanted children for so long and was never able to have any of my own. I've adopted and I have step-children, all of whom I love dearly as if they were my own, but there is still a lingering hole that they were never meant to fill. The day I was told I had to have a hysterectomy was one of the worst of my life because it killed all hope and extended the wondering forever. It doesn't define me, but it is a huge part of who I am. I hope you find your path to motherhood.

[daisysparrow]

Oh wow, so sorry to hear that! Thank you for your comments and for sharing your story with me. *hugs* ?

[reidharriscooper]

As someone who hopes to still find Mommy and have children I can relate although obviously not in the same way completely.

[daisysparrow]

Hahaha! So, what are you looking for in the future Mrs reidharriscooper ? ;-)

[static_abyss]

All your entries resonate with me in their honesty, and that is such a nice refreshing thing to have happen. Thank you for sharing.

Much luck to you and if it helps, I am mentally sending your future partner your way.

[daisysparrow]

Oh wow, such a lovely compliment, thank you!

[megatronix]

I hope you find a great partner for yourself, and I hope you get to be a mom.

I have a son. I waited for several years to get to where we could even try, and then I waited two years to get pregnant, which I was ecstatic about when it happened! So, I have my son now, and I am so, so glad that I do. I had a miscarriage after him, when he was only 2 (he's 7 now). And I do mourn that baby I lost, and wish for another baby, though I don't know if it will ever happen. It's so hard to want a child that isn't here yet.

This was very sweetly written and expressed. I used to write my son letters long before I ever got pregnant. He likes hearing about that now. I hope you have the same experience some day soon!

[daisysparrow]

Aww, thank you. And thank you for honouring me by sharing, and I wish you and your family a;; the best <3

[murielle]

Oh! I can still feel it. The longing that is a kind of heart- filled hunger. From twenty years ago when my "biological clock" (why do they call it that when it is so much more) went off like an atom bomb.

You brought it all back. Thank you!

Wonderful, Heartwrenchingly beautiful. Truth.

[daisysparrow]

Wow, what a comment, thank you!

[bsgsix]

This is heart-wrenching and relatable. I lost four pregnancies and a daughter before my son (who is now seven) was safely born and lives in good health and happiness - and then lost four after him. I'm so grateful, but the losses are never washed away.

The hope and the want is real and painful. I'm sorry you know it, but this letter is so honest, sweet, and meaningful.

I so, so send my greatest wishes that you'll receive your lovely family. <3

[daisysparrow]

Oh wow, I'm so very sorry to hear about that. Thank you for sharing it with me, I feel honoured. <3 <3

[adoptedwriter]

This is precious and I hope it comes true for you. Sometimes I write to my older daughter's "angel baby" to ask him/her to send us a "buddy" soon. She keeps trying.

[daisysparrow]

<3

[bewize]

This was really sweet and sad. I hope you find your way.

[daisysparrow]

thanks :)

[oxymoron67]

I'm gay, and I've felt the longing for children, too.

I mean, now, it;s almost certainly not going to happen, but sometimes I wonder.

[daisysparrow]

<3

[moretta]

I feel this ache on occasion. So strongly, so emotional, just this bright need.
I hope it happens for you someday.

[daisysparrow]

thank you

[rayaso]

This was so honest and direct. Wanting to be a mother and facing these issues must be so difficult. I wish you well.

[daisysparrow]

thanks :)

[dmousey]

**huggs** ✌💙😐 ~~~d

[daisysparrow]

cheers :)

[halfshellvenus]

I loved how sweetly and yet effectively this was written. So full of hope, with worry not far from the picture.

Wanting to be a parent is such a tangible, aching thing, and I hope it comes true for you. Sending good thoughts your way!

[daisysparrow]

That's a lovely compliment, thank you.

[encrefloue]

Powerful in its simplicity, honesty, and tenderness. I have yet to feel the pull of the "biological clock", but this helps me understand. Great work.

[daisysparrow]

That's such a lovely thing to say, thank you :)

[flipflop_diva]

I relate to this so much. Honestly this was me not that long ago. The ache of wanting something you don't know if you'll ever get and just wishing you could see into the future to know if it happens.

If it helps, though, I met my husband when I was 38, got married when I was 40 and now at 42 we're going to have that baby sometime in the next three weeks. But she's an IVF baby. It was a hard road to get here — and I'm going to be nervous until she's actually in my arms — but it was worth it.

So, just don't give up. It really isn't too late. And I really, really hope you get your happy ending too!!

[daisysparrow]

It does help, thank you :) Congrats on your impending new arrival, looking forward to reading entries about her :)