I've been married for ten years now, and I recall this pain acutely. You hit it on the head with your wording, especially: "Or am I still in love with the idea of you?" And really, IS there a difference if you aren't with that person?

Wounds heal in their own unique way and in their own time. The "what may have been" feeling - eases, I've found, but has never left me. It's a shadow, but at least I can mostly avoid turning to see it.

This is very poignant and well-written. *hugs* <3